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too much and too little |
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They were seven, facing three. (BIG SPOILER IN COMMENTS. DO NOT READ IF YOU HAVE NOT READ A GAME OF THRONES)
In the dream as it had been in life. Yet these were no ordinary three. They waited before the round tower, the red mountains of Dorne at their backs, their white cloaks bellowing in the wind. And these were no shadows; their faces burned clear, even now. Ser Arthur Dayne, the Sword of the Morning, had a sad smile on his lips. The hilt of the great-sword Dawn poked up over his right shoulder. Ser Oswell Whent was on one knee, sharpening his blade with a whetstone. Across his white-enamelled helm, the black bat of his House spread its wings. Between them stood fierce old Ser Gerold Hightower, the White Bull, Lord Commander of the Kingsguard. "I looked for you on the Trident," Ned said to them. "We were not there," Ser Gerold answered. "Woe to the Usurper if we had been," said Ser Oswell. "When King's Landing fell, Ser Jaime slew your King with a golden sword, and I wondered where you were." "Far away," Ser Gerold said, "or Aerys would yet sit the Iron Throne, and our false brother would burn in seven hells." "I came down on Storm's End to lift the siege," Ned told them, "and the Lords Tyrell and Redwyne dipped their banners, and their knights bent the knee to pledge us fealty. I was certain you would be among them." "Our knees do not bend easily," said Ser Arthur Dayne. "Ser Willem Darry is fled to Dragonstone, with your queen and Prince Viserys. I thought you might have sailed with him." "Ser Willem is a good man and true," said Ser Oswell. "But not of the Kingsguard," Ser Gerold pointed out. "The Kingsguard does not flee." "Then or now," said Ser Arthur. He donned his helm. "We swore a vow," explained old Ser Gerold. Ned's wraiths moved up beside him, with shadow swords in hand. They were seven against three. "And now it begins," said Ser Arthur Dayne, the Sword of the Morning. He unsheathed Dawn and held it with both hands. The blade was pale as milkglass, alive with light. "No," Ned said with sadness in his voice. "Now it ends." (George R. R. Martin: A Game of Thrones, pg 424-425, Bantam Paperback 1997) Any mistakes in transcription are mine. In original, no spaces between paragraphs. I think I'm allowed to quote this much from a book, but if I'm not, I am happy to take it down. This is a section of my favourite book - ever.
Sometimes it's a great job
I spent almost 9 hours at Ngee Ann City today, covering the Samsung .... challenge. It was hot, wet and humid, and it rained for vast periods of time, and I got wet. But I talked to like a million people, and though I'm exhausted right now, I thought it was so fun - so great! I took a few million pics too. I think being a photojournalist could be fun - too bad I don't have any talent at it. It's only going to be a picture and a caption tomorrow, but I'm going to try to do a follow up story - why let all the info I gathered go to waste? And I may have got a very, very minor scoop today - but a scoop all the same. Now I'm worried I may have misplaced the guy's number. I'm going to go and have a shower now because I stink like fresh cow dung.
Procrastination doesn't Pay
This is terrible. It's almost March and I have no idea what to do for a Final Year Project (FYP) nor have I found myself a group, while everyone else has. It's not easy doing an FYP by yourself, I fear, and now I am nervous I might have to - though the freedom of decision-making might be worthwhile. I could start sending mass emails to people I suppose but that would look pretty pathetic, though I suppose when you're at the bottom it's not easy going any deeper. Now that's out of the way let's talk about my favourite subject: sex. In Singapore we have a problem: We have one of the lowest birth rates in the known universe. The solution: Unprotected sex. Procreational lovemaking as opposed to recreational. You don't want too many immigrants because the fucking natives whine like crazy. You don't want to give too many incentives because we have our share of insane libertarians and frankly four deficit budgets in a row is beginning to make people nervous, plus it may not be all that effective anyway. Poor people are after all, the ones having the most children. You have a huge amount of housing spare capacity to fill. 'Romancing Singapore' may be the dumbest thing in the world because as the stats show, and the fact that most of my friends have girlfriends for YEARS and still have yet to see each other naked, Singaporeans don't wanna fuck, they wanna "snuggle", except with their maids and prostitutes. NOW FOR 50 BONUS POINTS: YOU ARE LHL. WHAT DO YOU DO? YOU HAVE UNTIL 2050 TO SOLVE THIS PROBLEM BEFORE EACH WORKING PERSON IS PAYING 80% IN TAXES BECAUSE ALL THE PEOPLE OUR AGE HAVE NO CPF AND NO NOTION OF WHAT "SAVING" MEANS, THOUGH I SUPPOSE IT'D BE MY CHILDREN'S FUCKING PROBLEM, NOT MINE.
What I did today
Yet again I encounter the bureaucracy, this time at the Treasury, but I managed to beat through the crap this time. Woohoo. That's all.
Ritual
Always at 9.30pm, my stomach begins ingesting itself, and so I get off my seat, walk out of the fortress, past the moat, press a button and through the fence, up the river of cars and around, until I find myself beneath golden arches. "What would you like, sir?" the person behind the counter would ask. "A fillet o' fish please," I would say. "Eating here or take away?" "Take away." "Just a moment sir," and she would turn away, grab a a bunch of calories wrapped in blue recycled paper, and I would hand her the money. "Have a good day, sir." Then I make my way down, around and down the river of cars, flash my pass and back through the fence, past the moat, walk into the fortress and sit on my chair, and chew. -- Oops: Yes.
This is just filler
I accidentally sent a rather personal sort of message to my boss... but it wasn't intended for him. I kinda mocked a colleague in it. I quickly apologised and ran away. I'm trying to keep up the facade that I'm not an asshole, but it's crumbling around me, thanks to sheer incompetence! What else I did today: Yesterday: Covered Wine Masterclass AND some anti-cellulite thing Today: Tried to find out some about our local airline and a local travel agency, and failed Tomorrow: Will keep head low and hope the boss doesn't see me.
True.
Before you say I am biased
... I am Indian, very brown, born in Malabar, I speak in three languages, write in Two, dream in one. Don't write in English, they said, English is not your mother-tongue. Why not leave Me alone, critics, friends, visiting cousins, Every one of you? Why not let me speak in Any language I like? The language I speak Becomes mine, its distortions, its queernesses All mine, mine alone. It is half English, half Indian, funny perhaps, but it is honest. It is as human as I am human, don't You see? It voices my joys, my longings, my Hopes, and it is useful to me as cawing Is to crows or roaring is to lions... The Old Playhouse and Other Poems, Kamala Das
How do you know that life is good
Yesterday: Story about erectile dysfunction. Today: Story about survey involving porn Tomorrow: No work, so will spend all day dysfunctioning with an erection while watching porn. It's 9.30pm damnit, I've been at work for almost 12 hours. LET MY PEOPLE GO!
How do you know when your mom is a fucking nut bar?
A Clue.
The Little Guy
My frustration when dealing with PR people is palpable. Now I understand our relationship is symbiotic, but it is completely frustrating. Dealing with the little guy, though, most of the time, is quite enjoyable - when they have something to say. And once they get going, you can't get them to shut the fuck up sometimes. Yesterday, I went down to S*letar Rd Market, and talked to the hawkers and the customers there. Of course there were those who won't talk to you - you can tell from their faces sometimes. But sometimes you have those ah peks, who have been going to the same hawker centre for years, and they really open their hearts to you when they start talking about it. The whining is almost chatroom-esque! That's what I'm here to be: the voice of the little guy. Right? Shouldn't that be the case? Aren't the big corporations loud enough? The problem is that it's those with an ax to grind that's the loudest. But these people are only trying to protect their livelihoods from the grinding mammoth that's the haitch dee bee. In the end my story said nothing about their plight - though seriously what hasn't already been said? Yet another pretty shitty story produced because I'm a total cunt when it comes to finding a story. I'm getting quite pissed off actually, because not a day passes by when I don't get tickled by the annoying sensation that I may well be a total moron. Oh and I'm gonna meet two people I only know from Everquest (an online game) later. If I don't write again for the next 5 days, I was probably abducted and sent to Thailand to be a bangboy in Bangkok for evil, but US$ carrying GIs. Pray for me.
Aaagh.
Grrr. Bark. Grrr.
Chickens and Dogs, Testicles and Penises
Or mom recalls kampung life DOG AND PENIS "Have I ever eaten dog meat before? Oh yes. We used to get dog meat quite often back in the kampung days. Whenever someone cooked a dog he would share it with the rest of the kampung. We'd all get a bowl. How many times have I eaten dog meat? I don't really remember. "Well, they'd grab the dog, and throw him into a gunny sack, and tie him up. He'd struggle a bit, but the pond is pretty near by. The man would throw the dog in the pool, and wait for it to drown. Once it's dead, he'd fish it up, skin it, and cook it, with herbs and stuff - like mutton soup, because we Hainanese are famous for our mutton soup. "Yeah, maybe drowning is a little bit cruel. But YOU try cutting a dog's head off cleanly. "We only ate black dogs. We didn't eat any other kind. They were supposed to be very nutritious. The men would eat the dog's penis, as it was supposed to replenish libido." CHICKEN AND TESTICLE "Only Hainanese used to cook Castrated Chicken. It's a delicacy. After a cockerel is castrated it becomes very plump and very beautiful. Back in the kampung, there was only one guy who knew how to do it (castrating chicken), and whenever he went to do one, all the children in the kampung would surround him and watch him do it. He always had this weird look on concentration while doing it. He was a strange guy. But he was good. "First, he asks for a bowl of water. Then he'd put the cock on the floor, spread its legs, and cut a slit in the flesh between them. He'd take a piece of string, and put it into the opening - he'd done it so many times it was easy for him - and he'd use the string to severe the link between cock and testicle. All this while the cock is conscious. With a really long spoon, he'd poke into the wound and pull out the testicle - a white, soft, oval thing. "He doesn't close up the flesh. He just pats it down and puts some feathers over it. He'd give the poor cock a drink of water from the bowl, and then he'd let it go. And the cock just gets up and starts running around, like it had just gotten a pedicure, or something. "When the castrated cock has grown fat, and time for offerings to the gods and ancestors have come, we'd slaughter and cook it. My dad used to grab the cock, and bend its head backwards. He'd pluck some feathers from its neck until its skin is clearly visible. Then he'd slice the cock's throat open, and let it go. The cock would run around the backyard flapping it's wings madly, spilling blood all over the place! Let me tell you, the cleaning afterwards was murder!"
ANGER, HATRED, RAGE
Let it not be said that I am not completely and utterly willing to write about my worst failures on this blog, though I suppose in the grand scheme of things this ain't one of them. RUN-INS WITH PR PEOPLE, PART XXXVIII This morning just before lunch one ed tells me to follow up the story about Se-le-tar Rd, which means I need to call the Haitch Dee Bee. Bla bla. I get a few conflicting ideas on how to do the story. So I send in several emails. They tell me they can't answer my questions by today. Fine. So later, this Haitch Dee Bee PR guy calls me. Haitch Dee Bee dude: I am a bit confused by your questions. What do you mean by "benefit to the people living in the area"? Under the plan (of which the initials strongly resemble SARS) there is only evacuation, not upgrading. I think you got confused (with this other plan). NOTE TO SELF: Don't just fire off the editor's queries blindly. It's possible they may have no clue themselves. Somewhere along the line... Haitch Dee Bee dude: (in a thinly veiled threat) You know, when we forward our e-mails, we put the reporter's name in front. If you keep sending us e-mail questions, people will start asking: Why this reporter got so many question one ah? Later, after some clarification... Haitch Dee Bee dude: I can tell you frankly la, there is no story here. And you know what? HE IS RIGHT! Sometimes the assignments my eds give me make me feel like I'm trying to squeeze water from stone. It was also my fault that I didn't do any extra research on my own (though to be fair I was doing another story... fscking min def people didn't reply though I messaged them Friday)! OK that's all for gratuitous whining. A rather fucked up day in all. I know nobody reads the senseless ranting, but I had to get it off my chest. Thanks.
It's too damned easy for us?
In a recent letter to the Sunday Times, someone complained that things were too easy in Singapore. The man outlined covered walkways and lifts that stopped on every floor and so on. We don't try hard enough he said, we're too soft, too weak, too unambitious - unlike our predecessors we don't have the can-do spirit of the nation's pioneers. He's probably right, you know. We do whine too much. I mean, hey, you're reading this - if there's on thing I do a lot, it's complain. And I'm utterly unambitious. Lazy. So what shall we do about it? How can we make Singaporeans hard, like Arnold Schwarzenegger in the Conan movies? In my opinion - mandatory hard labour. "Wait, don't Singaporean men have to serve National Service already?" Well, I went through it and I ain't hard, like Sylvester Stallone in "Stop, Or My Mom Will Shoot!" so obviously it's not working. You know why that's so? There's this Chinese saying that a man's character is decided at the age of 12*, while we serve NS when we're 18. By then, our personalities - soft, giving and flaccid - have already solidified, which renders any effort to stiffen our sinews impotent. So, you see the problem is that we aren't doing the right things to our children before they grow up into gangly teenagers who think they're smarter than they actually are. We are locking them in our houses, forcing them to read books, do math exercises, play musical instruments, etc, instead of letting them run free and doing their thing, while whipping the living crap out of them at random times, which enables them to learn several important lessons: there is a price for freedom, they will still get into trouble whether they screw up or not, and the biggest dog gets to mete out the beatings. By the way, by "letting them run free" I meant making them produce the latest Air Jordans in subterranean sweatshops, which helps keep them off the streets and contributes to the growing basketball industry. Also, the writer of a letter had a good point about local facilities. The amenities in our country are far too good, and frankly, which madman decided that making life better for our citizens was any of the government's business? Crazy stuff! Oh no, I wish those lazy liberals would stop trying to make life on the ground better and let the government concentrate on the serious business of investing in China and reducing the wages of the wildly overpaid Singaporean. In fact, it's possible the government may have already begun their campaign to toughen the pathetic weaklings known as Singaporeans with the introduction of the North-East Line. While those in the north-east used to be able to go to town in cheap, quick, air-conditioned buses, they now have to take a train that every so often breaks down mid-journey, which helps to build character, and also to let Singaporeans prepare for the day when blackouts may strike us with California-esque regularity. Their wisdom and foresight knows no bounds, though it may be unfair on SBS Transit for me to attribute this particular contribution solely on our leaders. Other things we should do to keep Singaporeans strong, fit and entrepreneurial: 1. Tear down covered walkways. 2. Remove lifts from HDB flats. The walk up and down 18 floors will keep Singaporeans healthy and save the rest of us from having to subsidise fat bastards their medical fees. 3. As a corollary to 2, the people with the highest body-mass to height ratios will have to live in the highest flats. 4. No more public toilets. This will let Singaporeans learn about tolerance, endurance, and flatulence. *note that it's possible I may have made that up
If you're so very entertaining, why are you on your own tonight?
What's there left to say about Valentine's Day? So you're lonely. Maybe you're unloved. Maybe you long for a warm body by your side in the interminable nights, when it seems everyone else sleeps with the hot breath of a lover's passion on their cheeks - except for you, only you, just you alone. Or maybe you are loved - in love, smugly. Maybe, just maybe, you are one of those sad gits who only see the artificiality of this day -a capitalist hoax. "All you fools, why can't you see, it's just a grand scheme, to make some money." Yawn. Valentine's Day is a day for sweet nothings; and never has so much nothing been said about a day. Here's something that Colin Goh wrote, in his comic strip Concrete Jungle. I don't remember the exact words, but I think I've captured the spirit of the words, so here goes nothing, just for you: Roses are red. Violets are blue. Flowers sibeh expensive on Valentine's Day leh But I still buy for you I've no dying flora to give, but here's a diamond I'd like to share, a great big one in the sky, the heart of a burned out star, a stellar carcass for two. And don't you worry about me, I've got things to do tonight too. 
Happy Valentine's Day, you crusty bastards.
Because I was too lazy to write
Being sent down to Courts (the furniture store, not the place where they sentence minority people to death) to cover a story that had ALREADY BEEN DONE makes me feel like Elmo.
Fun Link For The Day
Your Hands do the work of 10,000 highly trained lesbian jumping beans. Que?
Love and Sex
Or Two Things Reporters Don't Seem to be Getting Much Of So I went down to SGH to cover a story, and I met the reporter from ZB that I had previously encountered at the mountaineering event. We went back to the news centre together. We spoke. "This job sucks. In the past, it used to be okay because we got a lot of bonuses, despite having a low base pay. But now? Everything is variable, and your supes will purposely mark down their assessment of you so as to save on performance bonuses. It used to be acceptable, giving up some financial incentive for a rewarding career. But as it stands now, it's just not worth it." "Did you know half the newsroom in ** are unmarried? We reporters have no lives! We are as bad as teachers!" "I need to get out or I am never going to get married!" "Ha, do you actually read S***ko Tan's columns? As if we need HER to tell us about the pain of singlehood!" WHICH BRINGS ME BACK TO A COMMENT BY AN INTERN A WEEK AGO: "Did you know only 1 person in the entire **** section is married? OMG I have to get out of here!" THE BOTTOMLINE: If you want to have frequent, unpaid sex, don't be a reporter in Singapore.
I really, really like Outkast
I think they're great, and I'm gonna buy all their albums once I get the chance. Yeah, so Hey Ya is grossly overplayed, but damn, it's a fucking good song, unlike My Heart Will Go On or others of its ilk. VOTE FOR THIS AS THE SHITTIEST BLOG ENTRY EVER!
Yet Another Inchoherent Rant
1. The plural of virus is viruses. Not virii. Not viri. VIRUSES. 2. Just because that dude is a Buddhist doesn't mean that he won't pull out an AK47 and riddle your ass with bullets if you fuck with him. 3. Over the last three days I've encountered three people who took a shit and left without washing their hands. What the fuck is wrong with these people? 4. Why do PR people bother to reply with nonsensical crap? 5. I covered the PAGi (some internet watchdog) press conference yesterday. Apparently if you're 14 years old you're more likely to look at porn online, put up your pictures, and try to date random girls. No shit Sherlock. 6. On a similar note, in some school today, 17 boys were held back for hours without food by the school because one of them had a porn vcd. They were 14 or 15 I believe. One actually went to hospital as a result. Talk about an 7. One of the local papers published a letter where the guy essentially whined that Singapore had to many covered walkways, too many nice facilities. My reply: eh? Silly bastard. 8. Supposedly "freelancer" is a sort of code for "whore" in some chatrooms nowadays. Makes sense. 9. I think one of my colleagues fucking hate me. Really fucking hate me. I'm telling you, once I get into the fifth month I'm gonna go in total asshole mode on her. Just you watch. 10. It sucks when you're trying to make a "Top Ten" list, and you run out of ideas at number ten. So here's a link for you - MIDGET TOSSING (Also, I tried this Marvel Superhero quiz, and apparently I resemble this guy most. Oddly appropriate.) 
Smile for the Camera!
Can you tell the difference between a real smile, and a fake one? I got 12 out of 20, which is pretty close to what you'd get by pure chance. I guess I'm just too simple!
Just different enough to be the same.
Recently, I told one of my friends that I would probably prefer working a normal Monday to Friday week over my Sunday to Thursday week through the intranet, and she said, "REALYY? that's too conventional." Was it? I wondered. I like normality and (despite my rants) I like conventionality. I'm not sure I like things too different. So I replied: "Yeah, I COULD be a Velvet-Underground-listening, goth-wearing, vampire-wannabe transsexual who works in an S&M nightclub in Tokyo, but that doesn't mean I'll like it." Whatever, she replied. Just because it's different, doesn't mean it's better. Does that mean I'm conservative? Perhaps. I'm not all that into deviance myself. My whole life could be seen as a constant struggle towards conventionality. Pity us who are different and not by choice. Conventionality has many things going for it. For example: toilet door markings. That time when I went to watch "Whose Line Is It Anyway", I tried using the washrooms in the club, and was stunned before I even entered. The markings on the doors were either a | or a O. Maybe I'm just stupid, but what exactly are | and O supposed to mean? A penis and a vagina? Now which one resembles which would depend on the angle upon which these organs are viewed from wouldn't it? What's wrong with using one of the many easily recognised "male" or "female" symbols? Predictability can be a good thing! The same goes for seating arrangements. There aren't enough cubicles to go around, currently, and being the newest intern and the lowest form of life in the entire office, I feel like I am part of a giant Whack-The-Intern game. Like Whack-A-Mole, nobody knows at which cubicle I will end up at today. I've gone from one corner of the office to another, and I am sick of it. Regularity Is Goodness, like my grandma used to not say, but would have if she spoke English. How about language? I'm not a hardcore prescriptivist, maddened by notions of a classic, superior, artificial language governed by rigid rules. In fact I've raised my support for Singlish many a time. But like the example of the toilet, there needs to be some common rules that are understandable by most in order for it to fulfill its primary purpose: facilitating communication. i cood taip laik dis n id mayk s3nz 2 sum baht y shud eet b aseptabel? I'm not praising regimentation. I'm not saying that one should follow the crowd blindly, I'm just saying that the fact that something is different or new or strange is necessarily superior to the usual or common. People need change and a break from conventionality at times. But nobody wants to live a completely unstructured life in a completely impermanent universe. Nobody wants to be "surprised" by unexpected bouts of diarrhoea. Nobody wants to hear "Hey, weren't you sitting over there yesterday" everyday. Kurnvanshun r00lz d00d. (An entire post about convention and not one mention of Michael Jackson! Woohoo! ::high fives self::)
Festivals that aren't holidays, suck
It's true, you know. I can't look forward to any sort of "occasion" that's not a bank holiday. It's work, you know. Like - Yuan Xiao Jie or Thaipusam or Valentine's Day. What's the point? It's really just more work to do and more money to spend, and you don't even get a break out of it. I mean, it's all obligation and ritual. More things to do, more things you _have_ to do so you don't look like an asshole.
Hell's Bells!
Girl suspended for saying "Hell" in school Come on now. It's just a seven-year old girl, even if she was trying to enforce the beliefs of her parents on a little boy. :b Ridiculous, ridiculous, ridiculous. At least you don't really hear about that in Singapore, but then we're very, very small. But not only are little girls getting suspended for no reason, because a dog may lose his job because of alleged racism. Poor Dolpho. But then, I think he's glad he's not this dog.
Some Singaporeans are dumb
Some of the letters they write are really idiotic. I mean, seriously idiotic. I would give examples, but that is probably against the rules.
Snuffleupagus is real, Gordon!
I just had to share. It is late afternoon, and I receive a message from a fellow intern on the intranet: SNACK TIME (or something like that), and since I was somewhat hungry, I decide to go up to the canteen (after some minor banter). So I head up, queue at the cafe, and I spot several of my colleagues come in. "Hey you, what you doing up here?" "Just waiting for a friend, thanks." It's kinda awkward right now, because I don't really know them, you see. I know it's been one month already. I don't "network", ok? Anyway apparent she gets held up and I buy my food, and I join my colleagues, because it would be really really strange for me to sit in a corner by myself. The whole conversation goes over my head, and they don't make the slightest effort to accomodate me, but then, I didn't really care, in the sense that... I did! Fuckkkkk. Around 20 minutes pass, and my colleagues finish their meal (I had finished mine), and they start walking down. I follow. "Weren't you waiting for your friend?" "Erm I don't think she's turning up." Imagine this: you're staring at this geeky, slouched intern, who doesn't really talk to anyone in the office or join colleagues for meals. Does he look like a person who would have friends? No, you'd assume that he doesn't! They probably think I made the whole thing up! On my screen, around twenty minutes later, after I've returned to the office: "Hey I'm eating a chicken pau." Yay. (PS. I'm not complaining about you, P! Not at all!)
The world is conspiring against you
When you're headed up, the only escalator is going down. Down, it's going up. Up, down. Down, up.
How journos get the answers they want
Sir Humphrey: You know what happens: nice young lady comes up to you. Obviously you want to create a good impression, you don't want to look a fool, do you? So she starts asking you some questions: Mr. Woolley, are you worried about the number of young people without jobs? Bernard Woolley: Yes Sir Humphrey: Are you worried about the rise in crime among teenagers? Bernard Woolley: Yes Sir Humphrey: Do you think there is a lack of discipline in our Comprehensive schools? Bernard Woolley: Yes Sir Humphrey: Do you think young people welcome some authority and leadership in their lives? Bernard Woolley: Yes Sir Humphrey: Do you think they respond to a challenge? Bernard Woolley: Yes Sir Humphrey: Would you be in favour of reintroducing National Service? Bernard Woolley: Oh…well, I suppose I might be. Sir Humphrey: Yes or no? Bernard Woolley: Yes Sir Humphrey: Of course you would, Bernard. After all you told you can't say no to that. So they don't mention the first five questions and they publish the last one. Bernard Woolley: Is that really what they do? Sir Humphrey: Well, not the reputable ones no, but there aren't many of those. So alternatively the young lady can get the opposite result. Bernard Woolley: How? Sir Humphrey: Mr. Woolley, are you worried about the danger of war? Bernard Woolley: Yes Sir Humphrey: Are you worried about the growth of armaments? Bernard Woolley: Yes Sir Humphrey: Do you think there is a danger in giving young people guns and teaching them how to kill? Bernard Woolley: Yes Sir Humphrey: Do you think it is wrong to force people to take up arms against their will? Bernard Woolley: Yes Sir Humphrey: Would you oppose the reintroduction of National Service? Bernard Woolley: Yes! Sir Humphrey: There you are, you see Bernard. The perfect balanced sample. (If you don't know which TV show this came from, you were no child of the eighties!)
What the hell?
Why would anyone add a stranger to their contact list on ICQ? Why? ME: DO I KNOW YOU? PERSON: NOPE. ME: ERM, OK Later PERSON: COOL, I SEE YOU ARE FROM NTU. I AM FROM NUS. HI. ME: (adds PERSON to ignore list) I don't see any loss doing so. Do you think a hot babe would be lonely enough to go around adding random strangers to her ICQ contact list? Nope. And how did the guy/girl/thing get my ICQ anyway? Did he/she/it pick a random name from the ICQ web directory? Also he/she/it has to be a sociopath of some sort. He/she/it was in Free to Chat mode! (/shiver)
Strange thought for the day
One phrase that seems to crop up fairly often is "complete stranger". Like: "I was followed by a complete stranger". "There was a complete stranger outside the house". "I donated my kidney to a complete stranger", &c &c &c. Now, if there's such a thing as a complete stranger, it naturally leads to the idea that there should also be such a thing as an "incomplete stranger", right? "Hey, I played football with some incomplete strangers yesterday." "An incomplete stranger returned me my umbrella." "I directed an incomplete stranger to the cinema." "The incomplete stranger waited with unbated breath for the true facts to be unearthed totally." Doesn't really work, does it?
THE QUARTERLY TEAM WIFFLEWIFFLE FOOTBALL REPORT
I may suck at football, but hey. (In Alphabetical Order) Adrian Lim: If Kai's not injured this guy is probably injured. I'm not sure if there's any part of his body that hasn't been broken in some way. He's a good player defensively, I must admit, but like Chaoyi, sometimes he misses sitters that would make Andy Cole blush. Sometimes I think he gets frustrated too easily and it affects his game. Sometimes overdribbles (because of over-confidence)? Adrian whatshisname: The Adrian from James' church. He's an okay player, not spectacular. He doesn't play THAT much, so I'm not sure how to evaluate him, but I've noticed one thing: this guy wanders all over. He can't keep to his position! That annoys the fuck out of me. Chaoyi: He gets into good positions a lot, and he has a decent touch. He gets a lot of shots in, and I suppose a decent return. But I'm thinking that mentally, he's not entirely sound. He can't keep shots on the ground and inevitably dribbles into a corner. He's tenacious, so while some think he's not the best defensively I think he's actually okay. Good stamina. He needs to cut the psycho from his game, and learn a bit from Choonhou on how to fucking shoot from the left wing. Chin Wee: Our best player probably, though that not really a hard thing. Problem is that sometimes he ups the tempo of the game too much, and though his shot is pretty wicked sometimes he shoots a wee bit too much. I'd hate to play against this crazy fucker though, he could bust my nuts with his shot. Choonhou: One of those players that never changes. I think he's been playing the same since 1996. He is by far our best player on the left though, if only because all the players we've got there are PURE CRAP. He has a very good shot, is decent defensively, has the ability to beat his man - but look into the dictionary and you'll see his face under "one-dimensional". Also, he is a good tackler but somewhat dangerous in central defence, when he tries to beat one man too many. He may need to work on his fitness too, I hear he failed his IPPT! Chun Keat: Another vastly improved player, though to be fair, he was really shite when he started off (I'm sorry, but that's a fact). Gets into good positions, has very good stamina, but his first touch is still toss and his shots are bad, though whether it is as bad as Chaoyi's I'm not sure. In terms of tenacity in marking I think only Jiayi (at his best) is comparable. It seems to depend on Chun Keat's mood though. Francis: If there's one word to describe his style of play, it is lazy. He's languid, he doesn't get stuck in, and doesn't always get back in time. And frankly, it doesn't seem like he cares, most of the time. But he's tall, it seems like he's got decent stamina, and I think his passing is not too bad. He could probably play well when he's arsed to! James: Based on last Saturday's showing, one of our most improved players overall. I daresay he has developed into one of our better defensive players currently, and he doesn't lose the ball by backheeling too much any more, and he has a decent header. However, I believe he has the WORST stamina among EVERYONE right now. This man can't keep up for more than 15 minutes at a time. And his decision-making isn't the best, but has also improved. Need to work on stamina and passing. Jiayi: Haven't seen him play in a while, but I'd say his play has improved from anklesmasher to anklesmasher who also tugs shirts and even occasionally gets ball. Ferocious marker when he wants to be, as seen from the bruises around the shin of his opponent. Joel L: One of our better players probably. Good touch, good position, good heading ability, good shot, but not the best defensively (though not too bad). I think he's a wee bit soft a times though, sometimes the opposition nick the ball off him too easily. Lack of concentration at times? Wee bit lightweight. One of our better passers. Joel T: Like Chun Keat, he wasn't the best of players at the start, but he has improved a lot, especially defensively. However, he needs to get stuck in a bit more - he's a bit too much of a nice guy, and probably doesn't have the best of first touches. But he has decent stamina; he just needs to make use of it better, like Chun Keat. Kai Hsiang: Probably our best defensive player, but I think he has actually become a worse player over the last 1/2 year, for some reason. He gets caught in possession WAY too much for a person of his size, and sometimes holds the ball for too long when there is a pass on - a lack of vision at times, perhaps? Still, one of the better passers of the ball from defence, and a lot of muscle (or at least flab pretending to be muscle), and has the ability to surge from defence into midfield or hold up play - but probably not the player he was in 2001. Gets injured way too much. One of those players you find frustrating to watch sometimes - makes space and time for himself, and then fails to make the obvious pass. Kenneth: We mock his girth a lot, because that man has a lot of girth. He's not the fastest player or does he have good stamina (because he's like, girthy). But he has a decent shot, and he is tenacious. He also has a decent touch. He just needs to lose some of that... girth. Marcus: Without doubt, our best goalkeeper by a country mile. Good shot stopper, good positioning, decent distribution from goal. His first touch has improved quite a bit since he joined us too. He also has the best snap shot in the team (Chin Wee has the most powerful shot, probably, but Marcus definitely shoots faster). However sometimes his positioning is a little off, and he's not the best tackler (though for some reason he likes to get stuck into me!) but with good stamina and decent pace he makes up for his lack of marking skills. Me: I have no clue. I know I have a pretty bad shot, but I think I have a decent assist rate. I sometimes suffer from Sun Jihai-itis in that sometimes I don't know there's a player behind me. I certainly lack stamina. Walter: In terms of all round game he's probably the best among us. Good technique, good touch, good passing. He's not as lightweight as it seems too, I think other than me he's the one who tugs the most shirts! He's not too strong in the air, but good on the ground, and scores a decent amount. I get the impression that his game has become slightly worse than before though? Your thoughts? Feel free to disagree. Have I left anyone who plays frequently out? (PS. By good, I mean relative to us, which merely means "not completely and utterly shite".)
Oh My God
Happy Hari Raya Haji folks. I hope you enjoyed it better than I did, which was spent sitting in a... Oh fuck it. While I was slacking around in the office I wrote a huge email to myself (because I can't blog in the office), meant to be posted here, but it didn't get back to me. It's gone! I can't find it! Now I am nervous, wondering if I accidentally sent it around the intranet or something. So I'll be concise: 1. Shitty day. Did fuck all. Nobody gave me any work and there was nobody to ask. 2. It sucks to be the only NTU intern in the whole fucking office when you have nothing to do. I miss annoying fellow NTU interns in the ST offices with inane messages. 3. I can't remember anyone's name in the office. I don't hang out with anyone in the office. You guys know what I am like, and it is _brutally lonely_. The isolation is almost soul-crushing. Souuuuuul crushing. I need to bring an MD or mp3 player to work. 4. I am still undecided if too much work is worse than no work at all. 5. I FUCKING LIKE GOING OUT ON ASSIGNMENTS. It doesn't matter what. Going out, interviewing people, feeling the pulse of the news. It's a fucking rush. How could you not like it?
University Undergraduates, As Housewives
Today, in the N*w P*per on Sunday (1 Feb 2004, pg 10-11), an article by Cheng (fellow intern) and Fawziah featured what I took to be an archetypical Gen Y woman who would prefer to marry early, have children and be a housewife rather than take on a career despite being well-educated (majority of undergraduates in Singapore are women). It is their choice to make, and I do not dispute that women should have that choice, even though realistically men currently don't, but it doesn't mean I have to like this trend. Correct me if I am wrong, but tertiary education in Singapore is heavily subsidised (though how heavily in comparison to most other countries I do not know), and I think it would be fair to say that tax-payers in Singapore have the right to expect a decent return on that investment. This, of course, is in addition to the rather large social cost of supporting students, who (generally) are largely unproductive during this period of their life and rely on grants by parents or government loans for sustenance. (I would expect that if a person doesn't expect to take up a career they would avoid scholarships with bonds, especially from corporations.) Plus, if a person takes up law or medicine, he or she would be occupying a limited educational spot in a key profession that may better be occupied by some other person who intends to have a career in that profession. I don't think it can be disputed that the cost borne by society in educating each graduate is significant. However, tertiary education, especially in a credentials-driven economy like Singapore, is power. Every woman, even when she is not currently financially independent, has more security as long as she has the potential to support herself and her family. In other words she is not totally dependent on her spouse or her family. However, is it really fair to say that a degree is necessary for an acceptable level of self-dependence? Is an A-level certificate not sufficient in this case? Over lunch I talked to my mom over this, and while she agreed with me that it's kind of wasteful (she's a career woman and the person who keeps the family afloat), she said that the degree isn't completely wasted. After all, it would come in handy when it comes to educating children in the home. But, again, I thought, won't an A-Level education be sufficient for that too? Isn't studying all the way to a degree and having no intention to make use of it incredibly wasteful, no matter how you look at it, when you consider that society has to subsidise it? Then again, it doesn't seem fair to blame women on this. After all, is it fair to expect women to be both homemakers and breadwinners? I cannot imagine myself taking on the kind of burden like my mom did - she's a real supermom - so why should anybody else? Faced with a choice, if an undergraduate woman decides that she prefers to be a homemaker instead of being a career woman, or being both, can we really blame her? Also, as a sidebar in the article mentions, just because many Gen Y women choose to be housewives in the future doesn't mean they won't change their minds later, so I doubt it's a real social problem (if you can call it such). I can offer no solutions, but this still disturbs me. I don't believe there is an enlightened answer to this question: please don't fool yourself into thinking that any answer (or the course in implementing it) won't create its own problems, which may well be worse.
The Mandarin Topic (again)
It's really no fun living around here these days. Sars may or may not be making a come back, chicken prices are going to rise, and bovine madness is all the rage. I've no opinions on these though, I'd prefer to talk about soemthing that's closer to my heart, and have been reiterated at various points in this blog: mother tongue education, a topic many Singaporeans are keenly concerned about as demonstrated by the bevy of letters published in the Straits Times. In a letter to the Straits Times Mr Harvey Neo raised the oft repeated cry that the mother tongue (called MT henceforth) should be dropped as a pre-requisite for junior college and university, in fact, he goes on to say that the Ministry of Education should drop all subject-specific requirements, as it "will free the minds of students" in Singapore. Ms Agnes Sng, in another letter, pointed out that there is no need to worry about Chinese Singaporeans not being sufficiently "Chinese". Lastly, "stressing cultural values" was Dr Lim Ah Leng's prescription for cultural transmission in his letter, where he dislodged the link between language competency and cultural values. To start with, though Ms Sng fails to make the link explicitly, she seems to indicate that Chineseness is not directly related to the Chinese language(s), and I have dabbled in that train of thought for some time. After all, many English-speaking Christian types I know, who no longer offer sacrifices in the ancestral temple, exhibit a high level of what people consider "Chineseness", particularly the less savourly aspects: kiasu-ism, strong fascination with money, inward-lookingness, cliquishness, xenophobia, etc. But I see it as a fallacy now, on par with the "protestant work ethic" or "Asian values". Many of the mores of traditional "Chineseness" are completely compatible with the mores of the West - whatever West or East means nowadays. No, despite what the chauvinists on both sides like to believe, we aren't all that different at all, and it is not in that "moral difference" that makes us what we are. A working knowledge of the language(s), history and customs - all three - of a culture is necessary for one to be Chinese, Chinese, and not merely "racially" Chinese (race --- yet another slippery slope). It is fallacious to claim otherwise. "I am as Chinese as you are, even though none of my friends are Chinese, I don't follow a single Chinese custom, do not speak, read or write Chinese, or even have a high opinion of Chinese in general." Does that make sense to you? Is a black American whose ancestors were Nigerian but have never been to Nigeria, who knows nothing of Nigerian culture, who speaks no Nigerian dialect, Nigerian? I am not saying that culture is a rigid, unchangeable structure. It changes. What was Chineseness five hundred years ago may have nothing to do with Chineseness today, but surely being able to speak the language has to count as an important factor in determining whether a person is part of the structure in the first place! That said, Dr Lim makes a good point when he says that one can't possibly call an illiterate worker from China non-Chinese, so any argument that directly relates "Chineseness" to Chinese-language proficiency is senseless. Too true, but that alone does not make the transmission of the Chinese language a good. But this only leads to the next question: so WHY is the Chinese language a good? Even if it is a good, why should it be "forced' on the racial Chinese? I don't really have a good answer to that, yet. Certainly I suffered under the 2nd language system, but I fail to see how dismantling the need for pre-requisites would make the system any more progressive (a word I'm beginning to view with great disdain). Yeah, I know that this post ended lamely (because it failed to address the key point), but fuck it, this is my blog and I got tired of typing, mmmkay!
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